i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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