Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize