someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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