Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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