okay pat passed out under dana's car
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize