Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
