I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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