Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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