why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
