walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
