the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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