stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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