So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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