I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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