Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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