All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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