I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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