That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize