He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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