At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
