omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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