fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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