After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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