dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
