my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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