Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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