so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
