you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
