By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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