This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
