I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
