My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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