ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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