it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
