benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
