Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
