Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
