I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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