Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
