so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize