I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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