He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
