woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
