Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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