Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize