I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He passed out mid-signature
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
