Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
