i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize