dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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