I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
