I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
