I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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