I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
