i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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