Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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