I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
