walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
