When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
