I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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