I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
