I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
