I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize