you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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