How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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